Harry Potter The Musical

Who loves theatre? (Braden) Who loves musicals? (perverts) Who wants to waste far too much time watching this video of some people who made a Harry Potter musical?! No one? Okay. Just me then, I guess. See you in two hours, stupid people who don't want to watch this...

Shitstorm

Today was a complete shitstorm. There was literally a storm made of shit at work today. A hurricane of crap. A tornado of poo with a chance of scattered pee showers. People get angry when they don't have places to put their feces. If today had a face, that face would have a dirty sanchez. I'm going to bed. See you at poo 'o' clock. (I hate myself so much for that. I cry your pardon, world.)

To the Hobo that lives in my dumpster:

Please, live in another dumpster please. There aren't any nice things for you in there and you creep me out when I get home late at night with your loud breathing and rustling. I'm sorry you are a hobo, it must be really hard for you at this time of year but if you could just move to a dumpster that isn't on my driveway I would be very happy. I'm tired of sprinting into my garage.

Although, considering I haven't actually peeked over the top of my dumpster to look at you, you might not actually be a hobo. Here is a list of things you could be that are more horrifying than hobos:

An escaped rhino, waiting to kill my mom.
This is more terrifying because, obviously, I don't think you are trying to kill my mom. You are just trying to sleep and stay warm and maybe find some foodstuffs. But a parent-murdering rhino? Horrible. Get the intercourse out of my dumpster, rhino.

The Second Coming of Christ
I don't know why the second coming would be hiding in a dumpster in Fort Collins. Maybe this is a harbinger that the apocalypse will start in my yard. If you're in there, second coming, please find another place to hide for the next three years. My dumpster is not the best place for you to do that. If you come inside, we will make you tea.

Joseph Stalin
AHHHHHHHHHHHH GTFO, STALIN I MEAN IT RIGHT NOW YOU HEAR MEEE!

Necromorphs
Probably the worst possible thing that could be living in my dumpster. I don't even want to think about it. I will, however, be keeping a force gun in my car at all times from now on, just in cases. Also, hobo, if you feel some sort of zombie alien infection start to take hold of you, get as far away from my house as possible. There will be NO Necromorphs in my dumpster. NONE.


After some lengthy discourse with myself, I have decided you can stay in my dumpster, hobo. It will keep these other things from living there.

Ahhh Roger Ebert I don't wanna die please make it stop

And I leave you for the New Year with a message of hope.

Hope that will make you want to shit your pants. Eventually, my blog will be determined to be redundant on account of a majority of my posts linking to Ebert's blog. Roger Ebert, you are a beautiful man whose writing manipulates me in a very Machiavellian way except I don't think you realize how much power you have over me so it cannot be Machiavellian. Unless that was part of your plan too, to make me think you don't realize this. The Roger Ebert works in mysterious ways. The wind was blowing like crazy the other night and it was 54 degrees at 1 in the morning. Was that you?