idea of the century probably

I was just looking at this wonderful site that I found on Vvinni's blog (he is great. he is good. oh yes oh dear oh my.) and I came up with what might be the single most terrifying and also amazing idea in the long history of things you should make in your toaster but instead make in your microwave: The Hot Pocket Sammich. It is not just an Hot Pocket (which is bad enough by itself) but is instead two Hot Pockets with a sandwich in the middle. Like a normal sandwich but substitute bread for awful. I am going to create this monstrosity (tomorrow maybe?) and report back in full (disgusting) detail. With (disgusting) photos. A variance on The Hot Pocket Sammich is the Hot Pocketurger, a hamburger with Hot Pocket buns. This sounds delicious to my ears already. If the Sammich proves vaguely edible, I may try this.

Shitstorm

Today was a complete shitstorm. There was literally a storm made of shit at work today. A hurricane of crap. A tornado of poo with a chance of scattered pee showers. People get angry when they don't have places to put their feces. If today had a face, that face would have a dirty sanchez. I'm going to bed. See you at poo 'o' clock. (I hate myself so much for that. I cry your pardon, world.)

An open letter to awful

Dear Elliot Davis,

You are the worst. The absolute worst. I know you somehow continue to work in the line of work you've chosen, but that is probably just God fucking with you because you are absolutely the worst at what you do. I can say this with absolute certainty after viewing just one of your films: "Twilight". That movie/series/crazy girl fandom is terrible enough on its own without your awful awful cinematography thrown in. Circling shots cut together with other circling shots? No. Just...no. Most of the rest of this movie is blacked out from my memory as a natural response from my brain to its awfulness, but I remember those god damned circling shots, damn it. I understand this may have been the director's vision, and you are only the scapegoat for my wrath. If this is the case, I am not sorry and do not retract my previous statement because, though this may make you slightly less the worst, you are still the worst. You still chose to have your name associated with the camera work on this film, and that was completely up to you. No one was putting a gun to your head telling you to "make more circle-y shots! Yes! Yes more of those. Now, from a different angle! Yesssssssss oh yesssss oh man yes more more MORE!" If someone did do that, maybe you should have taken the bullet. You would have sacrificed yourself to uphold the forward march of film. Instead, you chose to let this movie be that much more terrible with your choices. Next time, I implore you, take the bullet.

Fitfully Yours,

Throwing up Violently in Colorado

Authors Note: I was originally going to post this on IMDB but my critique of this man's camera work grew into something of a monster and I could not in good conscience put this somewhere Elliot Davis checks regularly. I still thought it was entertaining enough to post here for my three readers. Though much vomit may have been spilled by me on behalf of this film, I still love you Elliot. I'm sure you're really great, aside from this circle bullshit. The possibility exists, I suppose, that Elliot is a regular reader of my stupid blog. The good Mama knows stranger people have been known to read it...