Monday, October 27, 2008

Harry Potter Trailer Sparks Riot at Obama Rally

Fort Collins, CO - Thousands of Democrats created mass panic Sunday at an Obama rally for reasons that have nothing to do with McCain's claim earlier that morning on NBC's "Meet the Press" that Obama will "thrust into...Americans right now...whether...[t]hey".

Instead, Democrats packing the Oval at Colorado State University became violent and extremely angry when, upon hearing word that a second trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince had recently leaked on the Internet, volunteers and security personnel informed the "Potter" enthusiasts by loud speaker they could not leave the venue due to "security reasons".

After the announcement was made, the audience fired back at their captors, yelling such things as "terrorist" and "Voldemort is behind this, mark my words!"

An angry crowd of Democratic Potter fans disrupts an otherwise dull Obama rally, throwing beach balls and people about in anger.

Harold Haglethorpe was one such rabble-rouser. "I find it absolutely disrespectful and elitist of the Obama campaign to force a crowd to stay here when they know we'd much rather be at home, in the comfort of our living rooms catching a much needed glimpse at our favorite boy wizard's next adventures. Before today, I thought Voldemort was firmly on the Republicans' side, but after this, I can no longer say that with confidence."

Other attendees were similarly enraged at the Obama campaign.

Lifelong Democrat Carole Machala started a petition which aimed to "let the public know of the obvious conspiracy taking place between the WB and the DNC". "First they move our precious movie back nine whole months, and now this? I can't even begin to imagine what they have in store for us..."

Several others took a more active approach and were seen running through the crowd of about 45,000 people trying to hex security officers and police.

Democratic hopeful Betsy Markey attempted to take the stage but was drowned out by boos and a torrent of Obama buttons tossed at her by audience members. No others attempted addressing the crowd after Markey as supporters tore down the podium in anger shortly after Markey was escorted off by security.

The Obama campaign was unavailable for comment, though at the time a field organizer was heard saying "This is it, it's all over folks. The dream is [expletive] lost. [Expletive]."

Political advisers on both sides say this could be the momentum breaker McCain needed in the days leading up to the election. Polls across the nation are already showing significant dents in the Obama lead.

As of this writing, the angry crowd had broken out of the Oval and started making its way across America, picking up members as it went. There is yet no word on whether any of the supporters have seen the trailer yet. In the words of one onlooker, "God help us if they do."

New International trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Why I Know Parker is Great

Everyone should already love Parker, because he's great, but this is just one more reason to love him. I took this video of him without his knowledge yesterday at the Obama rally in Ft. Collins, and it is one of the funniest and most adorable things I've ever seen. This guy asked us all to pray before the rally began, but Parker was too busy listening to the Blood Brothers to notice. We tried containing our laughter out of respect. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Great Job!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Charlie Kaufman Articulates Things Like Nobody's Business

I just read this interview with Charlie Kaufman (he's a screenwriter, you guys...look it up) and, wow. I mean, I understand he is a professional writer, and I'm just some schmuck who can't write for the life of her, but he

Charlie Kaufman's thoughts : me :: I can not articulate this analogy. Kaufman would be much better at this sort of thing.

I can't even write an adequate analogy. Perhaps an equation would be better:

Charlie Kaufman's thoughts > 552(x + y), where x = anything I have ever thought, ever and y = all the happiness in the world

Okay, so perhaps that's overstating and exaggerating things. I just really love the way he puts things. He'll say things like "It's a problem and it's not a problem.", "Yes and no.", and "Sometimes and sometimes not." when first responding to the interviewer's questions which might seem repetitive and contradictory, but is also the perfect way to encapsulate what he says in the rest of his response. The way that he goes about writing is something I aspire to, and I'm not even a writer. His search for truth and honesty in writing no matter what is something I really admire. His approach seems more like an approach to life more than it is strictly an approach to writing, and that's what I admire about it. He's not trying to follow a formula or a plan. He's trying to put forth a more accurate version of life in his writing, one that is confusing and not laid out beforehand and encompasses all of our past, present, and future experiences. I'm very much looking forward to seeing Synecdoche, New York (which, coincidentally, I've just learned how to I think that's right).

In other news, I got tickets to see of Montreal in Denver next month, which I'm really excited about. Of Montreal is on a short list of bands I have made a pact to see if the opportunity arises, so I'm happy I get to see them. I haven't listened to their new album, Skeletal Lamping in full yet, but I'm working my way through it as of this writing, and I like the craziness that I hear so far. Speaking of hearing craziness, I have been listening to ridiculous amounts of The Bugle, an "audio newspaper for a visual world". It's hilarious and British and I can not recommend it enough. (subscribe via iTunes here)

I'm also working diligently on my Halloween costume, which is coming together better than I could have expected. I have the tentacles sewed and am halfway through the dragon wings. I'll probably post something more detailed about how I made it on here in the future. So you all have that to look forward to.


If I could get rid of one thing from my life, it would be sleeping. It takes up far too much time. I just took an afternoon nap that stretched into evening and now I have to go back to sleep. What has sleeping ever done for me besides doing some very important things for me? I don't really know what sleep does exactly. Is it necessary? I'm pretty sure scientists think it is, but I don't know if they have a grip on the way things are. What if we just tried really hard not to sleep? Would it work?

Oh my God, you guys. Apparently, I was completely wrong. Sleep is real, you guys. We need it. Or else we die. So I guess I will just go to sleep. I guess it is not all bad, because if it weren't for sleep, then dreaming wouldn't exist. Neither would sleeping disorders, which are very nice as well. And snoring. And sleep walking and talking, which are adorable. And peeing the bed. Also, beds would not exist if we did not sleep anymore. I think we need to petition for more sleep. Add your name if you agree with me on this. We can also petition for sleep to be added to the Constitution. Somewhere in the sentence about the pursuit of Happiness. I actually think that was the Declaration of Independence. So it should be added to that instead, just so Britain knows too. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, plenty of Sleep on nice comfy beds with lots of pillows and warm warm blankets, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Was The Hulk

I was totally the hulk in my dream last night. It was fantastic. It was also weird though, because while I was the hulk, I was also watching the movie of me being the hulk with my friends. We were in Minnesota, which (I didn't know this until I dreamt it) is a tundra.

I think this must mean that I have triple personalities.

That is all. Continue to go about your business.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Adorable Moment of the Week

I promise this is not a political blog (maybe), but just this once I am going to talk about something vaguely political. Because it needs to be discussed. And seen.

How can John McCain be so adorable? This is seriously the cutest and most amazingly funny thing I've seen in a long time. Awww! Every time I look at this picture, I just get all warm and squidgy inside. Which is not a reaction I am used to when looking at two politicians and one Bob Schieffer. Just look at it for two minutes, then look me in the eye and tell me your heart isn't melting. What is he doing?! Oh my God I want to hug him!

Here is my reaction in picture form for those who are visual learners:

Yes, the rainbow background does imply I was tripping at the time. Very astute of you.

Monday, October 13, 2008


My intentions for this blog are as follows:
1. I will post little things from my day, if I feel like it.
2. I will discuss ideas, thoughts, and random nonsense that pop into my head.
3. I will try to be correctgrammar-wise. No promises, because then I will have already failed you.
4. Funny things, you betcha*
5. Updates from my life, maybe? If anything interesting happens.
6. Can't think of anything else right now. This list is open to being amended, if ratified by a 2/3rds majority.
What do you** want from my blog?

*no bets
**everyone who reads this, so maybe .5 persons in the known universe, including me (yes I read my own blog)


There is one thing that must be brought up if we are to make attempts at understanding each other, which is that as soon as a thought leaves my head and rests on the page, it instantly becomes untrue. My mind changes it's mind so often and with such force and conviction, that to try to capture my thoughts accurately and truly is impossible.