A Very Harry Neely Day

Today two wonderful things arrived in the mail for me: The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and 'We Are Wizards'. I read and watched and read and then I think I went to the bathroom and ate some potatoes and bought some shit.

The book was okay. I don't know. I liked it, but the magic has ceased to work for me. I need to find some new magic. It is really fucking pretty though. I got the fucking expensive version because fuck you. I will probably used the hollowed out husk of the book the actual book came in to store cats or some shit. Cats and whiskey.

The movie was alright I guess too. Most parts were vaguely boring because I wasn't really into what they were saying at all. There was, of course, one exception. That exception being Brad Neely, golden god of the funny. My mom was peeking over the couch at the movie (for some reason, I don't know. She is a couch peeker) and laughing her head off. We are going to be Neely groupies, my mom and me. I never want him to actually read the books. It is much much better this way. The best part about Wizard People, Dear Reader is how much better he makes the story by being so horribly wrong about everything.

"Every Harry Potter fan should record a commentary for Harry Potter two, which would be really easy 'cause that movie is really good. [laughs uncontrolably]"

Before he made Wizard People, Neely was also in these really shitty infomercials. In one he plays a wheelchair man who is obsessed with this chick's earwax. In an outtake from the documentary, he talks about her theories about earwax:

"There are little hands in there making pancakes and tossing it out"

"Fucking candle ears."

In another one of the outtakes he goes to the zoo and berates all the animals. He is the best thing to happen to things since the beginning of stuff.

"That's like a fashion possum. Hangin' out in some kind of ewok village."

(looking at a monkey): "This is what happens if like a guy has sex with a cat."

There is a commentary track of just Brad Neely, which I am going to watch right now. It is going to be pure gold. Gold with turds in it.