Douche Dads!

I was rewatching the latest episode of Lost today (spoiler alert for people who are still very very behind on Lost...just skip to the very bottom until you're caught up). Anywho, at one point, Dr. Pierre Chang was being a douche to Hurley and Miles and Hurley goes "Dude, that guy is a total douche" (I'm paraphrasing, so I don't know if that's completely right) and Miles says "That douche is my dad." (cue dramatic crescendo). I yelled at my mom "This episode just should have been named 'That Douche is My Dad'". This whole turn of events led to me thinking in general about dads on the show. Think about any dad you know that is on Lost and odds are they are a complete douche: Mile's dad, Locke's dad, Sawyer's dad, Jack's (and Claire's) dad, Ben's dad, Sun's dad, Penny's dad, Kate's (step)dad, Hurley's dad, Ben, Sawyer, Michael...each and every one of them are douche-tastic. I'm sure there are many many more but these are just off the top of my head. Wow, that was a long set up but the point is, I am hereby declaring that Lost will henceforth be called Douche Dads. I even have a theme song!


(to the tune of the MacGrubber theme song)

Douche Dads!
Douchein' it up and and douchey douche a douche douchey-douche.
Douche Dads!
We'll steal your kidneys you'll blow us up and then you'll go to jail.
Douche Dads!
Shoot Ana Lucia just to try to get your kid back.
Douche Dads!
Drinkin' and drinkin' shoot your wife and then you'll shoot yourself.
Douche Daaaads!
(generally you can just make this song as long as you feel like making it. Just keep adding douche-ridden lyrics and you've got it.)

TAKE IT TO THE STREETS!


NO MORE SPOILERZ PROBABLY FROM NOW ON EXCEPT KANYE SPOILERS YOU GUYS


Also, I saw this today:



KANYE IS THE SMOKE MONSTER! (I know this sort of conflicts with my contention that DeVito is the smoke monster, but you don't think they could BOTH be the smoke monster?! They could and they are.)